Dynasty Warriors 6: Costumes
by rainbowgasms
Summary: Just a fan's opinions on the costumes of the game. Its kind of funny, or at least some parts are, but you should read it. It might stir up some kind of emotion in you, and that's good, isn't it? Rated M for language.


This is nothing. Just a fan's ranting and raving. This is just my opinion, and if you don't agree, then you don't agree. Hey, if you think the new costumes are the best costumes in the Dynasty Warriors series, then power to you. If you think they're bad, power to you too. This is intended for humor purposes only, and I do not hate the Dynasty Warriors series just because of the costumes. Seriously, I don't.

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Lets start off with Shu. Shu, home of the good boys in green. Still the masters of polearms, I see, but one other thing I noticed with the release of DW6; Shu now houses eighty percent of the game's quota for gravity defying hair. Now, if any kingdom should have hair that defies the laws of physics, personally, I feel Wu was better qualified for that, but hey, I'm not the one in charge. 

Guan Ping: Wow, someone became studly very quickly. Overall, his costume design was one of the ones that made the most sense in Shu to me, however why'd Koei give him Bermuda shorts? And then with it he has knee high boots? Yowch. It just doesn't do his new badass halberd justice, you know? With the Lu Bu-esque of his halberd, I'd expect him to be as equally hardcore as his new weapon.

Guan Yu: So, gravity defying hair, was taking refuge under that cap of his for the past five games? I would never have guessed. His beard is still there, which makes me happy, but what is going on with his one sleeved robe? That happened in DW3, didn't it? Good reason the next two games decided that partial shirts, or no shirt at all, belongs on Zhang Fei. It kind of looks like Guan Yu lost his shirt so had to steal his brothers, doesn't it? But he has a pretty bad ass new weapon design, so it evens out, I guess.

Huang Zhong: Hey, for an old man, good ol' Huang Zhong has got some pretty nice physics defying white cornrows. I mean, no other sixty plus man could pull that off. That was sarcasm, by the way, if you didn't pick up on it. Now, his outfit puzzles me also. What's with all the fur? Is that what happened to Meng Huo? After the expelled him from the series, they shaved him and stuck all his hair on Huang Zhong's outfit?

Liu Bei: "Hey, you! Generic officer, where's my emperor? Oh, wait… You are my emperor." That's exactly what I thought when I first saw Liu Bei. Saving the Han really makes him blend in with the peons. There's nothing really exciting about him, although I was really depressed when I saw that they shaved off his goatee and moustache. Those were a couple of my favorite things about his old design. :C

Ma Chao: WTF YER BLONDE. D: Why is he blonde? I wasn't really expecting the gravity defying hair, but I definitely was not expecting the blonde. Like it's like a shock to my eyes. Its like, "Wow, I didn't know Gackt fought in the Three Kingdoms Era." And to add insult to injury, where'd his amazing armor design go?! He's wearing the stuff that Dong Zhuo wipes his ass with; I'm not even joking.

Pang Tong: Okay, I have to admit Pang Tong looks really, really cool. He has probably one of the best costumes in the whole game. I like the whole moth thing that they did with him. I was kind of hoping that they'd do something all Phoenixy, but they didn't, and I'm a little let down, but over all, it's a really clever design and I'm pretty pleased.

Wei Yan: Where'd his crazy Mardi Gras mask go? D; When I first saw the concept art for him, I was like "Oh dear, the Transformers epidemic has reached Koei! Red alert, red alert!" But then when I played the game, he wasn't so bad. But honestly, he looks like a triceratops, and I really liked the savage look from before. Not to mention, I loved the double voulge, and this new thing he has is really getting me down.

Yue Ying: Oh my, our prude little Lady of Shu has finally shed her shyness… and clothes. It was a real shock to me to see Yue Ying wearing so little, but it was also kind of like a thank goodness moment. I really think that when they got rid of Xing Cai Koei was like "Oh crap, now we need to fill in the sexy woman position in Shu." and thus, the scantily dressed Yue Ying was born.

Zhang Fei: Besides missing one of his shirts that was so suddenly stolen by his brother, Guan Yu, I'd say Zhang Fei is in pretty good condition. He's still donning his poofy ponytail thing, his half-shirt, and his moustache. Zhang Fei almost makes up for the horrific changes in Liu Bei and Guan Yu… almost.

Zhao Yun: The first time I played DW6, a friend of mine was like "Oh my God! Just wait until you see Zhao Yun, he's so handsome like always! Squee!!!!!!!!!!111!1!2one". So when I saw him, this is what I screamed at the TV, no joke; "WHAT THE FUCK? You're wearing the wrong fucking color you fucking retard!" Honestly. Is it me, or does it look like he's going to defect to Wei any time now? I was like "Wow, you're a real turn off, Zhao Yun. I will no longer fawn over you… traitor." Like honestly, is the Little Dragon color blind or something? Does he not understand that he is in Shu and Shu is green?

Zhuge Liang: Ah, so _that's_ what happened to Yue Ying's old robes. I see now. I really have nothing to say other than my suspicions about Zhuge Liang and his little cross-dressing fetish have proved true. I mean, this is bad. He's stealing his wife's clothing, for goodness sake!

On to Wei, the kingdom of the ever cruel, ever ghastly, social rejects of the Three Kingdoms. Over all, Wei's costume design has really pretty details, save a couple of exceptions, but over all, I liked them a lot.

Cao Cao: Nothing big here. He looks like regular old Cao Cao. Still angry, still blue… not much I can say.

Cao Pi: I like his new face. :3 I think Zhen Ji and Lady Bian helped dress him for this game, because the last time it looked like Cao Cao and Cao Ren just rummaged through their clothes and threw stuff on the poor boy. All in all, Koei did a good job here. I'm proud. :'

Cao Ren: Transformers! Cao Ren in disguise. I think that last phrase speaks for itself. If you didn't get it, this is what I mean; Cao Ren looks like a robot. It kind of suits him but his face kind of scares me. So they did a pretty good job here, but he could do without the menacing frown and the makeup.

Dian Wei: Damn! Those pants look uncomfortable. And on top of that, he looks a bit top heavy. I thought the axe from before really suited his personality, but the mace-thing, ball and chain maybe?, looks pretty cool. Other than the pants and the robot feet, I think his design is pretty good.

Xiahou Dun: Jackpot! They hit the nail right on the head here. He looks really nice, real regal. Before he was like "Ah man, I missed my AA meeting last night." But now, he's even more amazing! I admit, I'm a little biased because I really like Xiahou Dun (as you all have probably noticed) but I really like his design. The only downfall is his weapon. He jacked his brother's Enforcer Rod. Give him back his scimitar, I say!

Xiahou Yuan: Okay, everything looks nice here, except for the fact that he's not wearing anything under his breastplate. I think Xiahou Yuan idolizes Zhang He a little too much. The bare stomach works for our Butterfly General, but not Yuan, the general of grand feasts and hairy bellies. Yuck.

Xu Huang: I'm not that impressed with Xu Huang's costume. Really, I'm not. It looks so generic, and just bland. However. I'm a big fan of the tassel on the helmet, and I'm an even bigger fan of his new weapon. Just look at it! It's amazing! o

Xu Zhu: Aww! He looks so cute here! I have never really been a big fan of Xu Zhu, just because he's slow and all that jazz, but really. I think he's so adorable. They really fit his costume with his personality, I think. Plus he's so cute here. w Honestly, my favorite part is his faux-hawk. Omgsocute.

Sima Yi: I think someone else has been raiding Yue Ying's wardrobe. Really, within the next game or two, Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi are going to go beyond a fan girl's fantasy, but actually become a canon pairing. Poor Yue Ying… But back to Sima Yi! His feminine dress matches his snake-like personality, but his little claws freak me out a little. He makes me think of Nouhime from Samurai Warriors. Eeep. D:

Zhang He: First think I thought about Zhang He? "Wow, Zhen Ji looks a little broad… Oops. That's not Zhen Ji. D;" But whatever, that happens every game. Zhang He, historically, was a professional bad ass and just once I'd like to see him as such. But Koei will give me no such pleasure! But considering his in game personality, he looks pretty nice. I suppose.

Zhang Liao: You rat bastard, Zhang Liao. So they kick Pang De off the game, and you steal his clothes! His weapon too? You little jerk. First you betray Lu Bu, now Pang De. I'm really disappointed. :[

Zhen Ji: So the demure beauty of Wei has really toned it down. With every game, her outfits get less and less extravagant, and the more and more I like her. What I really like about this outfit is that it's like a sexified cheongsam, and that's pretty amazing. I really like her here, and I'm _so_ glad she's not fighting with an instrument anymore. I think a chain whip shows her personality more. :3

Ah, Wu, home of the three big P's: pretty boys, pirates, and pyros. I think the costumes in Wu were the best overall. I'm not biased toward any kingdom either. I like them all for their own reasons, but Wu really won my heart here.

Gan Ning: Oh no! Gan Ning's gone Super Saiyan! Change him back! Only kidding. I don't like blonde on Ma Chao, however, on Gan Ning it looks really nice. His costume is really nice, I love his bells this time around, his weapons are amazing, and on top of that his tattoos are really, really cool looking. They're subtle, not as pronounced in this game. But when you look at them its like "Wow, they put a lot of design into that."

Huang Gai: Lol. Huang Gai. Lawlawlawlawla. His costume didn't impress me much, his weapon either. Nothing is really different about him. He's just Huang Gai… Lol.

Ling Tong: FAPFAPFAP. Is it me or is Ling Tong A-fucking MAZING in this game? Like seriously. He ditched the nunchaku, got a sexy weapon, and got an equally arousing set of armor. On top of his sweet perfection, his ponytail is amazing. I love Ling Tong in this. Bravo Koei on making my dream man become a pixilated reality.

Lu Meng: At first I was like "Okay, Lu Meng looks like he needs to take Xiahou Dun's place in Alkies Anon", but the more I look at him, the more I realize that this is him. A depressed manic genius. He really looks like he's remorseful. I mean, really, I would be too if I killed Guan Yu and Guan Ping and unleashed Liu Bei's wrath all over my kingdom.

Lu Xun: He's never going to hit puberty, is he? At first, I thought he was Sun Shang Xiang, but then I read the name and was like, …lol. But over all, his outfit matches his age, and the feather details on his shoulder show his inner pyro… and I love it. Hey, maybe in a couple years, when his balls drop or something, he can have a fan base… I mean a _real_ fan base.

Sun Ce: So he ditched the rags and the ponytail and picked up some beautiful armor. Me likey. He looks really awesome here. Da Qiao is one lucky lady… too bad she's not in the game anymore, so she can't enjoy her delicious husband on screen… Wait a minute… Sun Ce is officially available to the fan girls?! What? Dibs! I call dibs!

Sun Jian: Wow. I'm a big fan of the detailing on his armor. Its elaborate, but not over the top. It looks really nice. The only thing I don't like about him, though, is the hair. I can understand why it's gray, because he's old and yadda yadda. But honestly, he'd look better with more refined hair, don't you think?

Sun Quan: Hell-o fan base! So when did Sun Quan's balls drop? He's not that whiney bitch from DW5 anymore. He has a pretty badass weapon, although it kind of resembles a two-pronged fork (hmm, remnants of Xing Cai's legacy?), its still pretty cool looking. His armor though, wow. Wait… are those Gan Ning's hand-me-downs? And is that Lu Meng's old ponytail… Wait a minute… Sun Quan, you've got some 'splaining to do!

Sun Shang Xiang. Five words. I. Love. Sun. Shang. Xiang. Easy, right? Her costume, my favorite out of all the female officers. Its wow, just wow. The flower theme is so pretty. Its awesome I love her skirt, her leggings are really great too, but her skirt. It's kind of fairyesque, and wouldn't have gone with her chakrams at all, but with this new bow, it really fits her well. Her new hair is really great… Actually, it kind of looks like my hair… Which means it's amazing. : But honestly, I love every element of her design. From the flower in her hair, to the sandals on her feet, Koei really hit a homerun on this one.

Taishi Ci: Why is he even in this game anymore, Koei? He dies before he does anything important in history! Oh wait… I know why he's here, to have the coolest fucking trident that ever existed! On top of that, his armor is awesome. The swirl designs are really captivating, and the colors of Wu just draw you in anyway. Real good job, Koei.

Zhou Yu: Oh wow! You've really grown up, Xiao Qiao! Wait a minute… Oops. Zhou Yu is looking even womanlier than before. :[ And a bow staff? Honestly. His sword from before was one of my favorite weapons. Come on. :[ His costume is nice, it just doesn't belong on him. Really, I was let down by the changes in Zhou Yu.

Xiao Qiao: Aw! Xiao Qiao is always cute, but I love how she's wearing a dress in this game. : Her big sister is rubbing off on her. Speaking of which, I miss Da Qiao. :[ Its good that she's gone, because that'd be unfair to have two more officers in Wu than in Wei, and three more than Shu, but I miss the sisterly love. We have brotherly love everywhere, but where are the sisters? Her fans are really cool looking, very elegant. Her over all design is really cute, I especially like the corset. But my favorite part of the whole shebang? Her choker is so cute. I want one myself. This outfit would make a really cute cosplay. QUICK! Someone do it!

Zhou Tai: I love his new armor. It's so dark, yet royal. So simple, yet complex. It looks really nice. I like the scratch detailing on it a lot. He really saves Sun Quan's ass a lot, and this armor just shows his personality. And I'm so glad he ditched the katana. Leave that for Samurai Warriors; stick to your own country. :[ Also, before you flame me for saying that last little thing there, I would like to say that I do not hate the Japanese, because I am half Japanese. But you have to agree, seeing a katana in the Three Kingdoms era must make you a little weirded out. Are you smelling what I'm stepping in?

The other warriors are always a big jumble of everything. They usually never fail to impress, however, and this time was really no exception.

Diao Chan: The bitch in pink strikes back! I liked her DW5 costume, it was really cute, and this one kind of expresses her deviant side a bit more. Partnered with that whip, its not wonder she had Lu Bu and Dong Zhuo wrapped around her finger. However, the flower gloves are a bit weird, but they add flair. And I like flair. Bonus points 5. Brava, Diao Chan, brava.

Dong Zhuo: HUU. D; ATTN INTERNET. THE CLOVERFIELD MONSTER HAS JUST TAKEN OVER DYNASTY WARRIORS. RED ALERT. Oh my god. He's so scary. I can't even talk about him… But I can talk about his crotch monster. Seriously, take a look at it when you have the chance. Its worth a good laugh.

Lu Bu: Wow, I really like his armor, and his little cockroach antennae aren't too bad this game. I'm a big fan of his overall character design, and I like it a lot more than previous games, however, I miss the Sky Scorcher. This new thing is really getting me down. :[

Yuan Shao: Oui, oui, ma cherie. Doesn't Yuan Shao look like he belongs in Bladestorm: Hundred Years War? His costume is very nice, very detailed, but he looks very French here, like he just got done eating smelly cheese and baguettes, then finished off with some fine wine and escargot. Oh, and before you start flaming me for being racist against the French, I get one up on you; I'm French myself, half French to be exact.

Zhang Jiao: In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight. Ai-EEEEEEEEE-EEEE-EEEEEEE, a wee woo wumbowee. So I can't sing, and I don't know the lyrics to that song, but Zhang Jiao certainly does! His lion's mane is kind of intriguing, and his clothing look like they have some sort of African influence in them. This is okay, but I don't really like it all that much.

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So, sorry if you don't like my opinions, and you're welcome if I made you laugh. mai gramer wuz terible in hear srry if u didnt liek it. Feel free to bitch and whine, or laugh and praise me. I can take what you dish out. But the point of this rant is to get you to review. I love reviews, so if you love me, or if you hate me, or if you just don't care about me, review and tell me what you think. 


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